What Happened To Real Men?- 3 mins
A term that brings to mind muscles, motorcycles, and moxy.
Yet it is this misinterpretation of masculinity that has led us to where we are now. Boys, trying to be men, in a world of unlimited possibilities and vanishing limitations.
What is it to truly be a man?
Road To Manhood
Becoming a man does not happen with age, and it doesn’t happen automatically.
It must be Taught. Shared. Initiated.
Becoming a man is a process that is walked through by a boy, and lead by a man of experience in true masculinity.
- It is a process of boyhood,
- to wild exploration,
- to a search for meaning,
- to a contender for hearts and passions,
- to a place of leadership and provision,
- to an experienced individual willing to share his life with another boy.
Today we see this process distorted, mangled, and destroyed.
We see boys in places of leadership and retired moguls still in wild exploration. We are missing the leaders, the experience, the models of true masculinity. We even have terms like mid-life crisis to explain a boy in the exploration stage who never matured but has come into some money. We have entire industries focused on boys who have recently retired.
What happened to the process?
Where did we go wrong?
A Lonely Generation
There is a loneliness in men today.
A searching for something that will finally settle the search, and will calm the internal storm.
What is the raging, the striving, the ambition that sits in us?
Thomas Wolfe said it best in Story of a Novel
“…the deepest search in life, it seemed to me, the thing that in one way or another was central to all living was man’s search to find a father, not merely the father of his flesh, not merely the lost father of his youth, but the image of a strength and wisdom external to his need and superior to his hunger, to which the belief and power of his own life could be united.”
Could it be we were never fathered? And it is the internal search for validation, support, attention, and love of a father?
I don’t mean that we don’t have fathers, what I mean is we were never fathered. In the last 150 years, we have seen the both the emotional and actual removal of fathers through work, sports, broken families, crime, and other unfortunate situations.
Actual households without a father stood at 6% in 1960. That number now stands at 27%. Stack on that the number of emotionally unavailable father’s showcasing their flavor of masculinity or straight up avoidance, and a giant issue stands before us today…
We were raised without fathers.
Is it any wonder sexual assault and harassment is a major problem? Are you surprised white collar crime is on the rise? Problems of greed leading many into embezzlement, collusion, and illegal deal making?
Striving To Fill
So what do we do in this void?
This search to fill something that was never filled as it should have been?
We fill our time with ambition to prove ourselves, to find the missing connections we feel somewhere deep inside but never talk about?
We push forward, faster, harder, more.
Maybe rest is right around the corner…. But it never is.